What does it mean to be born again?

I recently posted the following opinion on social media.

""Salvation does not end with our decision to accept Christ. Rather, the real process of becoming born again is the action of cleansing (having our sins washed away from us; forgiven by God) through the action of His Word, and rebirth (the casting away of our old wordly nature and its replacement with a new one) by the Holy Spirit."

"We cannot be truly born again if these complete processes haven't occurred. It is a supernatural process. But it is unmistakable."

"Many are stuck in the decision phase out of ignorance and unbelief. But this work must be complete if  we are to experience God's Kingdom.""

I was taken to task on the implication of a key premise stated therein namely; the conflict of whether life change takes place DURING or AFTER salvation.

My sister in Christ brought up several portions of the letters of Apostle Paul as "evidence".

They are Ephesians chapter 1 &  2, 1John 3:1-2, Romans 12:2 and 1peter 2:2.
Theses passages explain the sacrifice of Christ's blood as an atonement for our sins and the reality of God's acceptance of us as His children, because of our acceptance of that  sacrifice.

I countered with 1 passage at first in defense of my assertion.

John 3:5
"Jesus replied, "I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit."

I explained that water in the verse refers to cleansing. To  buttress my point, I brought up Ephesians 5:25-27 where Paul admonishes husbands to love their wives "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word"

I encountered a lot of resistance from this sister to the idea that holiness (an effortless and verifiable departure from sin) was an evidence of salvation. She insisted that this "evidence" was rather a sign of spiritual growth and maturity.

Brethren, 2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT states

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"

A passage that has confused many is Hebrews 12:14 which says

" Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord."

Brethren, truly, No one who is unholy will see the Lord. No one who is unholy will enter His kingdom. Hence the emphasis by Christ that a cleansing by water, and an inbreathing of the Holy Spirit are what it means to be born anew.

We need to understand that before salvation we were dead. All our actions were a manifestation of a dead life. When we accept Christ, the Holy Spirit breathes a new life into us. This happens by faith. After this, we cannot remain the same.

Hitherto, we were taught in church that we had to strive to be holy. The above passage seems to buttress this misconception. Before the death of Christ, in the old testament, the Jews had to make personal effort at holiness. This did not work! They had to sacrifice bulls and sheep periodically to serve as atonement for their imperfect attempts at holiness .

God knew this (old testament) covenant was imperfect, and that is why he came up with a perfect covenant.

Hebrews 8:6 NLT

"But now Jesus, our High Priest, has been given a ministry that is far superior to the old priesthood, for he is the one who mediates for us a far better covenant with God, based on better promises."

God himself explained it in Ezekiel 36:24-27 NIV

"‘For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws."

This work of holiness in us is done by God Himself. Not us. It is not spiritual maturity. It is rebirth! However to connect to it takes faith. We cannot be born again without faith.

My final reply to her went as follows

"A new born babe does not smoke cigarettes, tell lies or commit fornication. She is a clean slate. Fresh. New. THAT is life change. And it happens immediately the "process" of rebirth is complete! "